Attitude Adjustment: Interview with Brian Dixon

Brian J Dixon on making money in ministry, taking care of relationships, and having those difficult but important conversations.


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Chapters

• 1:13 Impact and Income
• 6:59 HopeWriters
• 9:10 Be Willing to Have Difficult Conversations
• 16:23 Start With Your People
• 23:01 360 Assessment
• 30:14 Next Steps

Transcript

Kay: Brian, thank you so much for being on the show today. Just want to extend a warm welcome and  let you introduce yourself to everybody that's listening. 

Brian: Well Kay, thanks so much for having me. Yes. I am here to help you move your business forward, increase your impact and your income online. So whether you're stuck, trying to figure out how to overcome tech overwhelm, how to market with confidence, or how to make money authentically. I'm your coach. I'm a clarity coach. So I help you figure out those three things. Usually it's one of those three legs of the stool where people get stuck, to help you move forward so you can make a bigger impact and a bigger income.

Kay: I think that's the impact is the big thing that so many of us are after, you know. Right. Okay. The income is kind of something we need. The impact somehow always seems to be like this far away thing that we think about in the future. And as a consequence of thinking about it that way, we almost hold it at arm’s length. Have you seen that to be true? 

Brian: Oh, I think people are scared of money. It’s really is scared of money. If we charge then if it doesn't work, then we feel like failures. So if we don't charge, then there's no way to know if it's working. So therefore it's really safe, but all growth happens outside of your comfort zone.

And I know this is a Christian audience. And so when Jesus sent the two, two disciples by to write, he sent them out. He said, in that context, he said a worker is due his wages. He was sending them out as missionaries. And he was saying, don't bring an extra blanket, don't bring an extra tunic. Don't bring money in your money belt.  Go teach the gospel and you go get paid. So from the beginning, the first missionary journey ever sent by Christ, he was saying, go get paid for the ministry that you do. And I actually believe I was going to go there. I believe that it's satanic. I believe that the devil does not want Christian ministers to get paid. He wants them to play small. He wants them to be scared and let's just go there. He wants them to be broke because broke people up, broke people have a more difficult time making an impact on the world, because think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If we're always thinking about food and shelter you will never hit the level of self actualization. We'll never hit that level of actually doing what we love and making a bigger impact if we're always worried about the bills and the debt and the finances and the food and the shelter. So go do great work, go get paid for your great work, and therefore you can make a bigger impact when you make an income.

So to say that I'm just about the impact and I don't want to really make an income is playing small and is anti biblical. 

Kay: You know, I'm part of a mental health training team, with a organization that goes out and we do training all over the world and we use Maslow all the time and we've altered it a little bit. We took that top part self-actualization and we made it God-given Purpose. And, and it almost at that point, you know, it becomes not just about us, but about, about God, the thing that He wants to do and say through our lives and the people that are going to be impacted by us being obedient, following that call.

And so there's a lot at stake when we allow ourselves to kind of be constrained or to be in that kind of thinking small box, you know, we've talked a couple of times on other interviews, right? About kind of a poverty mentality in ministry and in the broader kind of nonprofit world where people are trying to do the impact, but kind of live in this space. 

Brian: Yeah. It's like, it's like a mental block or a, you know, I would call it a limiting belief. I think it's a limiting belief to not believe that you can get paid for doing what you love, where actually the opposite is true. The more you love it, the more you get paid to do it. The more you love it, the more you think about it.

Like when you wake up and when you go to bed, if you're thinking about one thing all the time and taking steps, right? So faith without works is dead. Walk by faith, not think by faith, not rest by faith, right? But walk by faith. We have to take action. So if we're taking action, we get results. If we're taking action on what we're passionate about, we get better.

As long as we're listening to the feedback, we get better over time, the better you get. Right. A proverb says, see a man who's excellent. He will not serve unknown man. He will stand before Kings. And so the better we get at what we do, the better we listen to feedback and improve our process. The more money we make, the more money we make, the more impact we can have because God uses wealth. God uses money as a tool for advancing his kingdom. That's totally biblical. I can point to countless examples, but the ministry needs to be funded and the better you are at what you do, the better steward you are, of what you have, the more you can sustainably minister,  and, and not do it in such a way where you're worried about where's the next paycheck coming from, but you're generating significant wealth in order to significantly contribute to the mission that's happening.

Kay:  Just a few weeks ago, I interviewed Mary Valloni. She's a…

Brian: I love Mary. She's my buddy. 

Kay: She's an awesome lady. And she raises funds for all kinds of great causes. And she works really closely with missionaries as well as specifically to help, overcome those beliefs, those kind of limiting beliefs and teach them skills to get out there and do some fundraising.

We were talking about, you know, you have the skills and I don't know if it was something we talked about in the. In the actual podcast, or if it's in the class that she teaches the missionaries. But one of the things that she talks about when she teaches is that the skills that you need to go, whether it's raise the funds or have a business, those are, those are the skills that you're already using to disciple others to-there's leadership skills, you have technical skills, all these things that you're already using, you can use them in different ways. And so I think sometimes when we're, we kind of put ourselves in - whether it's a ministry box or, you know, there's a lot of folks living in the mom box and kind of, you know, we put that “just”…

Brian: Yes.

Kay: on what we do. And I know you run into that a lot too. 

[07:11] Hope*Writers

You're part of the writing community, community for writers called Hope*Writers. So why don't you just tell us a little bit about that and then we'll talk about your book as well. 

Brian: I love it. Yes. Hope*Writers is the most encouraging place on the internet for writers to make progress. So if you've ever thought about getting a book in a bookstore you've ever thought about launching your blog or growing your social media platform, you have to be part of hope writers. You can take your quiz by going to hope. writers.com/quiz H O P E. So hope writers, w R I T E R s.com/quiz. 

Take your quiz because we found over doing this five years now that there are six stages in the writing journey. And when you know what your stage is, you know what to do next. So go take the quiz. It's free. It takes like 30 seconds. Take your quiz to figure out where you are, and then you'll get helpful information about how hope writers works and how you can be part of that community. 

Kay: And you one of the things, cause I'm part of this community, that there's a lot of people in there going, ‘I'm stepping out here and it's the first time I've ever called myself a writer.’

Brian: I love it. I love it. It's one of my favorite things to do is to see people call themselves writers for the first time. My buddy Jeff Goins says, ‘you're a writer when you call yourself a writer, not when you land a book deal.’ Not when you write that first word, but when you first call yourself, because it starts up here (in the mind) before it comes out here (the mouth).

Kay: And it's true for not just writing, but for everything, you know, if you say, okay, I want to, I want to disciple, you know, teenagers in my community. Yeah. Alright. Then then say it, say that that's what I'm doing. And then go and take action to do that. 

Brian: Yeah. My, my father in law was a missionary leader and, and he would often say you are a missionary. You're not going to be a missionary. So if you're a missionary, you're a missioner and we're all, you know, as believers, we believe we're all missionaries. We've been called to go out into the world. And so I'm a missionary in Charlotte, North Carolina, I'm a missionary online. And when I happen to go on short term mission trips, or maybe one term, a full time mission trip, I'm still a missionary. So I'm a missionary where ever I am living a missional life. 

[9:10] The Need to Have Difficult Conversations

Kay: Okay. Now we've, we're in a, a part of history. And I know we're kind of jumping around a lot of different topics on this podcast, but I mean, come on the times we were in, there's so much stuff going on and, I've watched Brian lead through this in different communities because I'm in the hopewriter community, plus I follow you online and, and listen to a lot of the things that you have to say.

Yeah. And, like last, well, the night before that, that we, recorded this, you're in the midst of, there's a lot of protests happening right now after the death of, George Floyd. And there are a lot of conversations happening right now that we really needed to have. For a long time. Okay. And you know, it can be awkward becauseI know myself sometimes I feel under-qualified or disqualified from, you know, what can I add to the conversation? but. You know, you were using your platform 

Brian: yeah. 

Kay: To facilitate conversation. Can you just talk a little bit about what can we do to make sure these conversations don't fall to the ground? 

Brian: Okay. Well, It's changing all the time. So I think it really just depends on when you're listening to. So I'm just gonna acknowledge that some of what I say might, might, might sound a little tone deaf, just because of when we're recording this, because the world is constantly changing.

So given that disclaimer, and a little bit of grace, and that's what I asked for you, I think that one of the best things we can do is listen, because I do not know what it's like to be a black man. I do not know what it's like. You know, when I, when I get pulled over, this happened three times in my life. When I get, when I've gotten pulled over from the police, usually late at night, coming home from an event, cause I'm a speaker. I speak at conferences and our host different events. So, I was actually at a church retreat and it was way up in the mountains in North Carolina, it ended really late. So we got home by the time everything was cleaned up at the church.

I got back into my car. I had, I, at that time I had an older. Mercedes, but it was an older one. And so it wasn't, you know, it wasn't a very expensive car. And so there was just some assumptions that were made about who the drivers of that car at two in the morning. And, and so it was me, right? So I'm driving home two in the morning. I got pulled over almost immediately. I mean, I literally, I pulled out from the church onto a different road and I got pulled over like in 20 seconds and, um, And I knew that there were assumptions just based on the car that I was driving at the time I was out that the police officer walks up to my window, sees me and says, Oh, nevermind, have a good evening, sir.

And walked back to his car. Didn't ask for my driver's license. My registration. Didn't ask me to get out. Didn't ask me if I'd been drinking. Didn't ask me where I was going. Nothing. Just let me go because. I'm white now that's privilege and you can call it whatever you want. But I know that I, I started on third base, you know, I did not start at home plate.

And, and so I have advantages that my black friends don't and I think that. To him that has given much, much is required. We have been given a responsibility for such a time as this I've been given a responsibility based on my platform, based on my education, based on my whiteness, based on whatever, to surrender my guests to the Lord, surrender my burdens to the Lord.

It's both, right. It's both. And so I just see it as our responsibility as white people. To listen to the experience of our black friends, black brothers and sisters. I also see it as a responsibility to our black brothers and sisters to listen to our experience and for us all to listen more is a really good thing.

The more we listened, the more we help to, at least if not understand, at least empathize. And I think that's the gap. It's the empathy gap because, because you know, cable news, the focus of cable news is. Advertising. The only purpose is to hook somebody, to tease them about the next bad thing. So they stay watching so they can make more money. ‘Cause it's a for profit corporation. I run a for profit corporation. I love money. I love making money. Okay. But. There is a, there is a way to do that ethically. And I think we have the, the, the horse is out of the barn, you know, the way that we consume news it's, it's entertainment. It's not even edutainment. It's just pure entertainment. We love, what did they say when it bleeds? It leads right? When, when we have so much vitriol in our news, it, it pushes everybody to their defensive corner and it's not. Helpful. It's not helpful. So a lot of what's happening right now, depending on when you're listening to this is completely, completely media created media fabricated, but with savvy people like yourself are doing is they're paying attention to the question behind the question, the conversation happening underneath.

And, and I am the first to admit. I do not know what it's like to live as a black person in America and shame on me for assuming I do. And so in conversations with black friends and going, I had no idea that you have to de-blackify your house before selling it. You have to remove any kind of evidence that you're black. Shame on me for not knowing that. Shame on me for thinking that the reason I'm being treated kindly at a car dealership is because I'm a nice guy. Not because of the color of my skin. Skin. So I'm learning a ton right now. But also I want to be bold. I don't think that cowering and hiding is a solution either. I think engaging, engaging is the solution. And by engaging, of course you attract more heat, but sometimes that's the best meal, right. Is when it's created with heat.

So let's keep the conversation going. It's when we try to shut each other down by being louder than each other, that is not, is not helpful. 

Kay: And to understand too, as we walk into these conversations, I mean the more important a conversation is, the more we need to have the conversation, the more tension there's going to be already present just by the fact that we are talking about things that really need to, to be..discussed isn't even a strong enough word, but just.

Brian: I’m with you 100% but what are you going to do? Like you're going to just hole up and die, you know? No, come on, get, get in the game, get involved. Yeah. You're going to get beat up a lot a bit, but you know, what are our black friends have been getting beat up for a long time? Like maybe it's our turn.

Kay: you gotta, you gotta listen to the hard stuff. You can't just listen to, you know, the stuff you want to listen to or whatever, you know, but it's like, okay, tell me, tell me where I'm messing up. But it's just important to do. I think too, too, get some conversations started. So what is it that we need to say? What is it we need to hear? What is it that we need to do? To bring our communities together. You know, let's, let's go. We say, change the world. I mean, that's the whole slogan for this podcast is find your voice. Tell your story, change the world. Well, how are we going to change the world? 

Brian: Yeah. 

Kay: If we, don't not only find our own voice, but listen to other voices, you know, and tell your story. Okay. It's our story. What does our story look like? Cause my story is different from your story's different from another person's experience, what did they all look like together? Yeah. And what do we want to want those stories to look like? That's when we change the world. 

Brian: I'm with ya, love it. 

[16:24] Start With Your People

Kay: I wanted to talk to you too, about your you've got a book called Start With Your People. And when we talk about changing the world, and this was kind of the original idea for this conversation, when I first asked you, it was probably in the beginning of the year when we first started talking.

Brian: Sorry about that. Had a couple of things going  on, 

Kay: you know? Yeah. It's 2020 folks, no telling what's going to happen. So yeah, but your book, Start With Your People. Really, you know, we talk about changing the world. If you don't start in your own home, 

Brian: Yeah. You know, 

Kay: then you can go change a lot of things, and the most important part kind of falls apart. 

Brian: Yup. Yup. 

Kay: Tell us a little bit about the book and kind of how it came to be.

Brian: Yeah, I like that. I think I believe that let me, yeah, most, most change starts at the dinner table. Yeah, I'm going to type that out. Most change, it's at the dinner table because, and you can substitute that with breakfast table or, or what have you. But I think it, it, it starts with having conversations with the people already in your life.

They are the people that you're going to have the biggest influence on the biggest impact on are the people that get to see you behind the scenes. I've seen some of the behind the scenes of pretty famous people. And there's some ugliness behind the scenes. Let's, I'm not throwing stones. Cause I got, I have some of my own as well, but like there is no difference between who I am when you meet me on a podcast and who I am when you meet me on the couch, like. I have to be the same person. That's what integrity means. Right? Integrity is being the same person, even if nobody's watching. And so I think that's really what Start With Your People is all about, is acknowledging that we have broken relationships that are out there, whether it's with a client, whether it's with our spouse, whether it's with our kid or a difficult person, you know, somebody that you used to work with or work for.

We've got to clean those up. We've got to start with those relationships, with the people that are already in our life, because. You know, so many people by coach are thinking about the next, you know, they're thinking like, how can I get to a million subscribers or a thousand people following me on Instagram or launch a book or get a book deal?

But what about the people that are across the table from you? You know, how are you showing up for them? I see too many people that are sacrificing their, my friend Emily says ‘Don't sacrifice your meaningful words, your meaningful life for your meaningful words, and in the same way, sacrificing your, your people.

In your life, stepping all over them because you want to pursue a dream is not the solution. And we, we like, we kind of celebrate this in, in media. You know, how many people are on their second or third marriage. And that's the one that we celebrate because a romance that's such a cop out, there are people in your life right now that you might realize.

I'm not treating people very well. And I, and I had to realize that. And so the book is really my story of how did I realize there are people in my life that I need to clean some stuff up with. I need to apologize. I need to take responsibility and I need to stop burning bridges. And so Start With Your People is really about how do you fix relationships, but also build effective relationships that lasts for life. Because I believe every relationship lasts for life. We never really end relationships. We just complete agreements. We complete phases of our relationship. So how do we treat people well? And of course that includes people from other races. Of course, that includes people in other, from other backgrounds that are other professions. So it's how you show up for the people in your life that I think is going to be the biggest measure of the success or failure of our life. 

Kay: You talk about two particular, I'll say groups, but it's really one group. It's your family, but, but the one is, you've got a chapter about your spouse. And you got a full chapter on your kids because I think sometimes they catch the blame. What did I do? Back when we started recording, I said, ‘Oh, the kids are over at the house. We're going to have background noise there.’ 

Brian: I guess it says part of it. You know, it's just part of what you do, but that's, that's the thing you're doing the work. Yeah. 

Kay: Yeah, but I just, what are some things, I mean, you, you, you have a line that you say about your spouse. 

Brian: Yeah, your spouse is not the enemy of your dreams. You know, your, your husband or wife is not the kryptonite. She or he can be your superpower. You know, that, that, when I lean into the wisdom of my wife, when I asked Julie, what would you do in this situation? How can I improve? What can I do better? She has answers. 

Now, most of us have a relationship where we haven't asked for that feedback. And so we're not ready to hear it, and they're probably not ready to give it cause they don't believe that we're ready to hear it.

So it starts with humility. It starts maybe with an apology, but I have to tell you before any major decision And, and even like, when I'm not sure how I feel about something, I'm an Enneagram three and we, we're not very in tune with how we feel immediately. We kind of figure it out a couple days later after we get a lot more data.

I just asked Julia, I'm like, Hey, this thing's going on. Like, what do you think she has so much wisdom? And I'd be an idiot if I didn't listen to her because she's really smart. And so, you know, for those of us that are married that have that person in our life, Lean into the wisdom of your spouse. I run a, I would call it the mighty men's mastermind. It's a group of guys who want to be like level five guys, like level five and each of the five core areas of life, faith, family, finance, fitness, friendship. And these are, these guys were amazing and, and many of them are learning. At how wise their wife is and they thought I'm going to do all the finances myself, or I'm just going to do the career thing myself, but they're learning to slow down and bring their wife in. And there's nothing more powerful than what did they say? The, the most valuable gifts you can give your kids is a healthy marriage. I think one of the biggest impacts you can make on the world is having a healthy home and that healthy home starts with the person you're married to. Right. Oh, neat. Any shoulder to shoulder, looking at each other eye to eye getting on the same page is really, really important.

Kay: Yeah, so, so true. And setting that example for, for the kids. Right. And taking care of them, not just taking care of them as an OD provide for them. You know, I do things, but, you know, you're, I used to tell my guys, when I've, I've got two boys are grown up now, but I used to tell them, I'm teaching you this because when you're 20, when you're 25, when you have a family, you need to know how to do these things.  Like, I'm not trying to raise kids. I'm trying to raise adults. 

Brian: Right. 

[ 23:00 ]  360 Assessment

Kay: Who can, who can also then, you know, be productive and do the things that they need to do. So, you, you talk in your book about difficult people and how to, navigate that, but you did something that's like a specific thing that you did in having conversations. Can you tell us a little bit about that? 

Brian: Yeah, we're about, we're about to do it again. I think it's important to do it frequently. And it's, it's been at least a year, if not, if not almost two years now, because I wrote the book quite quite a while ago, you know, books take a while to get out. But it started with a, a 360 assessment and the basic concept is we've never seen ourselves. We've only seen a reflection of ourselves, so who better to speak into my life. Not me, but somebody else, somebody else through their lived experience saying, Brian, sometimes you come across this way. Sometimes you come across this way. Sometimes the words you say, or the face that you make actually leads to this and not to what you expect.

So it's an anonymous survey, really simple three questions, you know, what am I good at? Where am I stuck? And if you could tell me anything anonymously, what would you say Google form really simple. Don't ask for their email. Don't ask for their name because it's important for them now, the freedom to be able to tell you what they really think.

So we're planning on sending that out in the next couple of weeks for my own business. So those three questions. What am I good at? Where am I stuck? And then if you could say anything anonymously, what would you say? And so I sent that out, too, you know, 50-ish people, and the feedback I got, you know, there's a lot of positive, but definitely some things to work on.  And one of them was Brian often puts projects over people and I realized I was so focused on the, on the goal on the results that, of skipping over the relationship. So I'd been burning all these bridges unintentionally, but it had been happening. And so I, you know, I'm a person of faith. And so I just, in my morning, per time, I prayed, I said, Lord, who is it that I need to clean up a relationship with?

And he just started to go this person, this person is, I just wrote down the people's names. And just over the course of a couple of days, send a text message or an email. Hey, can we get on the phone or, Hey, can we get on a zoom call? I just want to catch up with you. I got something I'd like to ask you and then face to face is the best way to do it on zoom saying, listen, I want to let you know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way that our business ended or I'm sorry for the way that I've treated you and these aren't the same people that necessarily took the survey. Okay. The survey. Revealed what I wasn't aware of. And then the conviction of the spirit is what led to the reconciliation of these relationships.

And here's the funny thing, Kay. Friday. Tuesday. I got a message from somebody who heard me tell the story on a podcast. And she has harbored bitterness towards me for over six years. She didn't get the survey and she wasn't one of the people I apologize for apologize too, because I really believe right when the spirit brings us to mind, we'll pray for you, right?

When, and so that's a biblical concept and the Lord has never brought this lady to mind like. I have a clear conscience, but when it all possible live at peace with all men, this lady, I want to say her name so bad. This lady brought this attention, this to my attention. What did I need to do? I needed to immediately apologize.

Listen, I'm so sorry for my role in this. I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding. What can I do to make it right? And she wrote me back like 30 minutes later and said, you know what? I really appreciate it. I just, I have a clear conscience now. I forgive you. You know, I just wish you all the best. And, and that kind of thing. Keeping short accounts is really important. Cause I, listen, I heard at least one person's feelings every single day. I'm hard driving I'm entrepreneurial goal focus. I'm just, I am who I am. That's how I'm created, but how can I use that as a Ninja skill two? You know, to, to, to, help move the kingdom of God forward instead of burning things down. And, and, you know, it's just like, they are, our personality is a power, right? Where they say there's life and death in the power of the tongue, like our personality is powerful, but we want to use it too. You know, it's like fire, make a delicious meal or burn a house down. We have to be very, um, Uh, skilled, skilled at how we use it.

And, and it re requires assessment. So that's what I did. This 360 assessment apologized to a bunch of people and then made a commitment to moving forward. And now, listen, I've surrounded myself. This is gonna sound so gender bias. And I don't mean it that way, but I've surrounded myself with some really smart women.

I have, I have, I have. Okay. Four, 12, 14, 16 ladies. I work with on a regular basis who have the freedom and have exercise that freedom to say, ‘Brian, you got to go clean that up.’ ‘Brian, you were kind of a jerk today.’ ‘Bryan, that was a little bit mean’, you know, and, and they have, we built it over time that trust in our relationship where they can say. ‘Just so, you know, you were a little terse today. Can you go clean that up?’ And I get this message probably once a week, but it's been really helpful cause I don't hear how I come across. So, one of my, the coach I work with, he says, he says, you know, when you have a blind spot, somebody points it out.

It's no longer a blind spot. Cause you're aware now it's a stumbling block and you can choose whether to remove it or not, or have somebody help you remove it. So I've got this big blind spot in my life. Gotta remove it. And, and sometimes surgery hurts, but it also leads to healing. 

Kay: And when, you know, you know, what, what that stumbling block is, and, you know, I'd trip over this thing all the time. It really helps to have people around you that you can say, help me watch out for this shine, a light on that thing. So I don't keep tripping over it. You know, not that they run ahead of you and keep trying to sweep it out of the way and just make things easy for you, but that they, they point to it and go, you're about to step on that thing again.

Yes, you know? Yeah. I've got something similar. I was on staff for a while and yeah. You know, I don't go to the emotions a lot myself. And even though I was like, I'm on a mental health training team. Everybody thinks I'm all about emotions and I'm actually. For myself, I'm actually not. And, um, so that's kind of, that can lead to some really awkward conversations, but, uh, you know, but I've been told I've got people that can speak into my life and, uh, you know, had had somebody stop at my office one day and just poke their head in the door and go, you know, that thing you've got going on with this so-and-so, this other person, you know, that we were having this kind of longstanding, really going through a hard time together. And our relationship is, you know, um, you're going to have to go, right? So the emotions ‘You're going to have to go through that whole emotion, emotional journey, or this thing is never going to clear up.’ 

Brian: so true.

Kay: And once I was willing to go there, sure enough, you know, and it healed so much. So just because you say, Oh, I'm wired a certain way. If you can put those people in, in your life. They can help you go to this places that are hard for you to go. 

Brian: I love that. 

Kay: Yeah. And it's just better, I think for everybody.

Brian: So good. 

[30:15] Next Steps

Kay: I  think you've given us some, you know, I always ask people at the end of the show, you know, what are things, what are some practical. What's a practical thing we can do to put this into practice and, look at that, you've already, you've talked about questions that you can send out an email, you know, Hey man, that's right.

I mean, what, what else, what, what is there, we've, we've touched on so many things. Right. And, and, it's been kind of a hodgepodge conversation, but I admire what you do in so many areas. Thank you. And you're helping people overcome challenges. You're helping people walk into new areas to, to find that clarity, through the coaching and through, you're always doing these little, if you guys, if you connect with Brian, if you get on his email list, he sends like these little, you know, there's some new technology out, and he'll be like, Hey, have you tried this?

Cause he's already gone ahead and he's tried it. And he's going to give you five tips on how to use that effectively or a new way to think about it so that you can get a jump on it and decide, well, do I need to go use this? Is this a tool that I can use? And so, but also there's a heart there and that kind of coaching and the leadership and, So I would just encourage you to do that.

But today I know you've already given us some tools, but you talk about habits and practices that we can cultivate our lives, you know, to be better leaders, to be better in our families. So in the next week, what's something I can do? 

Brian: wake up earlier. 

Kay: Oh, Ow, Ow! 

Brian: I know. Yeah. There's a curse word that people use all the time. It starts with the letter T four letter word it's T I M E. And nobody has enough of it, but you're, you're cursing your creator. Can I just go there? You are cursing your creator. When you say you don't have enough time, shame on you for saying he did not give you abundantly more than you could ever ask or imagine.  His, yes, he did. In his infinite wisdom. He gave you 24 hours and you're saying you don't have enough time. Of course you have enough time, but you are not being a good steward of the time that you have. 

So practically do the one hour great exchange, go to bed an hour earlier and wake up an hour earlier and spend that time with your savior. Spend the first hour of the day with an open Bible and an open journal. And just ask this one question, Lord, what you have for me today? God, what do you have for me today? Let him set your agenda instead of the Facebook ad that you're clicking on, instead of the TV that you're watching, instead of the news cycle that is distracting you away from what's important, instead of your email inbox, that is other people's agenda, or instead of your own wants and wills and whims, let the savior of the world tell you what to do that day.

He is faithful and just to show up and I'll let you know. This is what's on my heart. This is what's on my mind today. And you just say, Lord, what do you have for me today? And you know what, if you sit there for an hour and don't hear anything, you just read your Bible and you'll hear from him. The word of the Lord is living and active, sharper than any double edged sword.

So turn Netflix off at 10 o'clock instead of 11, wake up at five instead of six or six instead of seven. And spend that first hour, you know, my coach calls it a Holy hour, spend your first hour as the rudder of the day, that Holy hour, you will be shocked at what happens to it for 40 days. Don't, don't do it for one day and then go it didn’t work, you know, 40 days, just like that's like your, your wilderness wandering time to get centered again, to, to hear the heart of the Lord, again, end to end to be able to put your head on the pillow and go, wow. I was the best steward of what I had today and here's the thing. He who's faithful with much as much as required, but who, who, what's the, what's the worst? Basically, you're a good steward with what you have and more will be given a, you've been given a lot already.

So use what you have, but be, be faithful with it. Guess what? There's more, he has more for you, but the reason things aren't working so well is because you're not working with the things that you have right now. 

Kay: That's so true and it does make a huge difference. You know, I walk out of that bedroom in the morning. There is the TV's already on conversation that I just step into. That's already happening even just in the house and let alone, you know, if I start pick up the phone and start scrolling Facebook, because you have no control over, what's coming into your mind at that point and just think about how that swings your day, you know?

So yeah, that's golden and it's absolutely true. 

Brian: Love it. 

Kay: Well, Brian, thank you so much for spending this time with us. And, uh, for that, that was a lot of good stuff in there. So thank you. 

Brian: Well, listen, what James said is, to him who hears the word and doesn't do anything with it is like somebody looking in the mirror and forgetting what they look like.

So you don't just be a listener, but be. And activate or actually take action on what you learn. So I love to hear from you send me a message on Instagram, Brian J. Dixon send me messages and say, I heard you from Kay’s interview. And here's the one thing I'm actually doing. And actually it's even better. Here's the one thing I did go take some action and you'll get some D do something different and you'll get different results. 

Kay: Amen to that. Very true.